The reason I mistrust people...

So, after a conversation with a friend of mine, it suddenly dawned on me why I have a hard time trusting people...

Going back through my life, I never have ever had anyone that I could fully trust...and every time I *DID* trust someone, they broke it...badly....Starting at a very young age...

With my mother...I trusted her that she wouldn't hurt me, mistreat me, abuse me, neglect me...abandon me....and she did....First trust breaker...

Then, with my first husband.....I trusted him to not break the law time after time after time...And then he got arrested....for talking to an undercover cop who was posing as an under-aged 13 year old girl...he was constantly in and out of jail, always promising he wouldn't get into trouble time after time after time...I would like to say its because I was young and naive but, unfortunately, at that time, I just didnt know any better......SECOND trust breaker...

Then, the guy that I was semi serious with after Michael, my exhusband, beat me up. I trusted him not to physically harm me, not to break my heart, and he did...MAJOR trust breaker right there...someone who loves you isnt supposed to physically harm you...

The guy that I was with after him, I had known since I was 14. We dated long distance for a while, and he ended up cheating on me...hes now married to the girl he cheated on me with...another MAJOR blow to my now developed trust issue bank...

Then, Cameron...my dearly departed late husband...he died.....he promised he would never go anywhere, promised he wouldnt leave...but he did......and while I cant exactly blame HIM for dying, he still left...minor blow to my already grown trust issues...

Now, leading to my current situation...my trust is all but gone in humanity and I just don't know what to do about it...I want to trust people, but it seems like the people that were supposed to be the MOST trust worthy have broken it, broken my heart and everything that I believed about in...

My husband and I broke up again and this time its for real. My heart is broken and my trust is at the point now where its irreparable and I don't like that feeling. I trusted that he wouldn't break my heart again, hurt me again and be worthy of working on my trust. But, unfortunately, going through all that I did, my trust was already slim to none.

I am saddened by the change of events in my life and at this point, I don't know if I can ever get my trust gene back in gear.

Alot is happening...

So, since my last blog a week or so ago, (I Want a dog...) there's been a lot happening....

I got a dog (thank you Universe), I've put in applications and went on a few interviews....The reason for this is because we've decided to move to Virginia....Yes, Virginia, the state that's "for lovers". But, that's not the reason....

The reason is because I am tired of city living. Tired of the crowding, apartments being one on top of the other, pollution, crime (thank you Providence for laying off hundreds of Providence Police Officers), congestion in traffic....And every other reason behind not wanting to live in the city...

Why Virginia you say? Well, because I've wanted to live there for a LONG LOOOONG time. Because me and Cameron talked about moving there the year before he died....because I've been there several times and I fell in love with it...Because its part of the country that I think Id be happy with....

That coupled with the fact that its actually closer to the inlaws then we are here...but don't tell Dave that....he wanted to move to Louisiana to get further AWAY from them....I told him that wasn't an option.

I don't want to move further away from them. They haven't been bugging me barely at all for a long while now. They let us live and then its right around the time of them wanting to see the girls, they contact me........or birthdays they call.

Its not a bad deal...Moving to VA, depending on where we move to, it would be closer. Which is fine...

I just cant wait to get out of Rhode Island....Not that theres anything wrong with this state but I just want to get out of this TEENY state.