Trying again...

After much soul searching, deliberating, prayers, meditation and all that goes with that, as well as many many revelations of our relationship in the past 6 months, I have decided to give my marriage one more try and work things out...After writing the blog about marital vows on Eddie Montgomery's wife filing for divorce after finding out his cancer diagnosis of her husband, I got to thinking...I do believe that we have both learned some lessons and things as far as relationships are concerned....

For the majority of me and Dave's relationship, I was "ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!!" when it shouldn't have been. A marriage should never really be one sided...its actually TWO sided....a team effort....and in my eyes, because I was the one who made the majority of the money, whether I was working or not, I felt that it SHOULD have been all about me....but thats not the way a marriage SHOULD be.....

I honestly believed that, because of the fact that in all my life, everyone always tried to tell me WHAT to do and control what I did and how to live MY life and everything else, that when Cameron passed away, I truly didn't want that anymore OR to let ANYONE ever try to tell me what to do again. So, from day one, I told Dave "Im gonna do what I want, when I want and you cant stop me"...and he seemed to be ok with it.....until it started getting to the point where I wasn't even asking if he minded that I do certain things...I would just DO them.

Ultimately, HIS backlash and the fact that even though I was asking for HIS support in things and just EXPECTED that he be there for me, I wasn't supporting HIM in things. Also, another large factor of our marriage starting to fall apart was the fact that we had my ex-best friend and her unruly, spoiled, horrible brats living with us for the majority of our marriage (7 months july-february) and from June 11th til she moved in July 21st, when Dave got home from BCT after being gone for 11 weeks just completely destroyed our first "newlywed" year of marriage. So, in its entirety, we had from March 17th (our wedding date) until March 26th (when he left for BCT) and then from June 11th until July 21st, to bond as a NEWLY married couple...thats not much time...On top of that, every time he and I would be affectionate with each other in front of her or she knew we were intimate the night before in our bedroom,no matter HOW quiet we were, she always just HAPPENED to hear us, she would make horribly snipey comments to us such as "oh get a room" or would make comments about how the "apartment was shaking" when a TRUCK driving by on the road would make the entire building shake...She was extremely bitter and vengeful and you know what they say..."misery loves company" so I guess she figured, since SHE was unhappy, I should be too......It got to the point where she got in the middle of us and started fights between us. She caused an (almost) irreparable rift between us, even trying to cause issues even after Dave moved out...I really believe she was a completely toxic person and no matter what I think about in the future, I will NEVER be friends with her again.

So, Dave and I are back together, trying it again. We went to the courthouse the morning after he came home to file paperwork dismissing the divorce case and living as a married couple again, trying to heal the wounds that had been formed and reconnecting on the marital front.

We have also decided to finally have the "big" dream wedding that Ive always wanted and he actually wants to be a part of it and the planning. We've decided on March 16, 2013.

So, heres to new beginnings, starting over, and having the REAL first year of newlywed marriage start over redo.

What happened to Marital vows???

I am appalled at the things that some people do now a days. I was just reading an article about how Eddie Montgomery of Montgomery Gentry was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and almost immediately after finding out about it, his wife FILES for divorce because "she cant handle his illness"....

REALLY?!?! What the HELL happened to the "In sickness and in health" part of her vows when she married him???? And whats more is that she will more then likely get half of everything so she more then likely wont ever have to worry about working again and supporting their FOUR children....and one grandchild...


People like this make me sick....Yes, I am divorced. BUT, my divorces had NOTHING to do with sicknesses....My first divorce was because he couldnt keep his behind outta prison....If he HAD been able to, I guarantee we more then likely, probably would still be married(maybe...we were having some major issues but I also think those issues tied in with the legal issues he was having)....

When I married Cameron, and he was in his accident, I slept in a hospital waiting room while seven months pregnant, REFUSING to leave until I knew he was stable....I was there at that hospital EVERY day at EVERY visiting hour willing him to live, holding his hand, loving him, taking care of him with his family.......He broke his pelvis and his right wrist...I would have given my LIFE for him to have woken up and lived...THAT is what "IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH" in marriage vows truly means.....and this bitch files for divorce because she cant HANDLE his ILLNESS?!?!?! Women like her make me truly truly ill....

I guess I'm having this reaction because what would have been me and Cameron's 6th wedding anniversary is in 2 days....its also the 5th anniversary of his accident...So, seeing news like this, two days before a really rough day for me, PISSES ME OFF....

Oh, yes, and my third divorce....there was abuse...and fighting....and sexual withholding on HIS end...He neglected every need that I had, emotionally and mentally, physically and intellectually...And he broke my trust on many many many levels...If you want to read more, there are more posts about it in my may and june blogs. But I am not going to go into it here...

In sickness and in health must really not apply to "hollywood" couples..."For better or worse" ties in with that too...it really makes me sick how indispensable "hollywood" couples think marriage is...

So, heres to you Mrs.almost-former-eddie-montgomery for being the CUNT of the day.

I spent over an hour in the ER last night.....

Because my Bear cut her foot on the upside down scale that was in the bathroom....Don't ask me how but she did....

She handled it like a trooper too...Took the injury with grace and bravery and even had the thought process to put pressure on it to make it stop bleeding...It really wasnt that bad, but it was decently deep so I took her to the ER just to be on the safe side...

By the time we got to the hospital, it had already started to heal....The soaked it in sterile water for a few minutes to see if it would separate...it didnt...They sterry stripped it, gauzed it and wrapped it and put my poor girl on crutches...



Don't be worried about the look on her face....that was posed....shes having a blast on those crutches...I have to keep telling her to stay OFF her foot...She likes moving around on the crutches...Ahhhhhhh, the joy of being a kid. LOL

And here's her poor foot all (re)wrapped up this morning after Mama cleaned it...



All in all, we were in and out of the ER in around an hour and a half...We came home and all snuggled watching "Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe"..Julia fell asleep on the floor and had to be carried to bed...Lil and Holl laid on the couch with me until the movie was over at midnight...And they STILL were up at flippin dawn.....sheesh!!!

On another note, we put up our tree two days after Thanksgiving...I felt very festive and felt like we should for some reason, put it up now....So we did....She turned out absolutely BEAUTIFUL this year....

Here's WITHOUT lights -



and here's WITH -



I am so proud with the way that she looks...:) and as a friend of mine said when he asked me if my tree was real or "fake", and I replied "its artificial" he said "Thats good, no killing trees and you save money not having to buy a tree every year..."

Yup, my sentiments exactly. Ive had this tree since Cameron's parents bought it for us the second Christmas we were together. I have been adding decorations every year in the shades of red, gold, green and silver...And of course, the angel that Cameron bought me our first Christmas together sits atop it in glorious shining fiber optical lighting...She will continue to sit on top of my tree every year, even when her light dies because it is a precious memory that I have of a very happy Christmas that year.