So, after many a tumultuous year here in Rhode Island, I decided rather quickly to move back home...2 weeks ago. I figured out that I was beyond lonely and needed help that I no longer had here...
When Dave left and we subsequently divorced, I figured out that Rhode Island wasn't where I belonged anymore...And I managed to stick it out for 16 months since kicking Dave out and Ive reached my limit rather quickly a few weeks ago...The noise, the pollution, the traffic, the crime, the sirens, the STUPID STUPID laws...Just cant handle it...I want peace and quiet and relaxation...Most if not all the neighborhoods in South Jersey ARE quiet and will give me that peace.
And here it is, October 18th and in 24 hours I will be loading up the U-haul with the family and friends that are coming up to help me and hopefully, leaving as early on saturday morning as possible to avoid traffic...
I am definitely looking forward to a new life in NJ...my home state...I cant wait to feel my feet on the soil...feel the air in my lungs...be close to my real friends and family here...And, close to Camerons grave...Not so much for me, but for my girls...
Yes, of course there have been times that I wished I could go and lay on his grave like I used to when I was down, but behind 300 miles away from it, made it a little difficult, but mostly I want to be able to bring the girls to his grave to honor him as much as possible and its incredibly hard to do that from here...
I look forward to moving back to be with my family, to be with my friends...to be amoungst my "people"...noone truly understands the jersey attitude unless youre from there...And frankly, RI is *nothing* like NJ...
I miss WAWA and Wildwood and the malls and the food and everything like that...I miss Heritages dairy stores and their UNBELIEVABLE sandwiches...I miss the quietness of the country...This city living has gotten to me and I crave quiet...peacefulness and no LOUD LOUD mexican mariachi music on a sunday morning at 9 am when people should have common courtesy for their neighbors who are sleeping...
Thats something else that most people up here dont seem to have...Common Courtesy...I live in a three unit building...Im quiet and respectful to others around me because I was raised to be...Most of my life ive spent living in apartments so I was raised to be quiet and have courtesy...
Like the neighbors I mentioned blaring their music on Sunday mornings, most people here are like that....When driving, people cut you off with no hesitation...when youre trying to get onto a highway, they dont move so that you can merge safely onto said highway...
There are so many many other examples but for the moment, the previously mentioned ones are the ones that bug me the most...
So, here it is....everything is packed...Im done cleaning everything...and im just waiting for everyone to get here...
I cant wait and im beyond excited to be going home...
October 18, 2012
October 10, 2012
Being a mom...
All my life I wanted to be a Mom...When I started trying to get pregnant, all I knew was that having sex without birth control would get me that way and thats all that I cared about.
When I found out I was pregnant with my first child at 18, I didnt even realize that the symptoms I had been having werent, in fact, the FLU, but it was morning sickness...BAD.
For a while, Id wake up with my husband, help him get ready for work and as he left, curl up and go back to sleep because Id be SO tired but I thought it was just because I was sick...
Id wake up SPRINTING to the bathroom to HURL anything that I had eaten while I was helping my husband get ready for work and I just couldnt understand what the hell was wrong with me...There was a time that me and my husband went to Subway to eat...I walked into the place and almost hurled right there because of the smell in there. I couldnt handle it.
We left and went somewhere else.
I had skipped my periods but didnt really dawn on me because from the day that I started *GETTING* my period, I had always been massively irregular. But, something told me to walk to CVS and grab a test...Within SECONDS of taking the test, the little pink "+" sign showed up. I was shocked....And had no idea how far along I was because I didnt even really remember when my last period had been before that.
Whats funny is that the moment I found out that i was pregnant, I stopped having the morning sickness...the nausea...the sore tits. Mind boggling.
I dont really remember going to my first doctors appt. I dont remember finding out how far along I was, but I remember going to my first ultrasound and seeing the baby...I was 12 weeks along......I had no idea what that meant.
Around 26 weeks I started having contractions and ended up in and out of the hospital several times before delivering my daughter at 31 weeks on October 30th, 1995 @ 2:50 in the afternoon. She weighed a teeny 4 lbs 5 ounces and was barely 16 inches long.
While I was going through all of that, alls I kept hearing was all this information about complications...issues that the baby might have if she were born this early...birth defects...long term health issues that could arise...I willed her to stay in longer...Prayed that shed be healthy. And she was.
I have been told that had I gone full term with her, she would have been HUGE.
I had no clue about breastfeeding and really didn't have the chance to do it because she was in the NICU for one day shy of 3 weeks and I wasn't able to see her everyday because she was in a hospital 2 hours away from us.
When she came home, it was a wonderful day. I had pretty much given up on breastfeeding at this point.
With my son, I knew a little bit more because prior to getting pregnant with him, the internet had just arrived...AOL was the newest thing...I researched the FUCK out of EVERYTHING....how to get pregnant...how to stay pregnant....how to get pregnant with a boy...(my husband now had, in addition to my daughter, three other daughters and he wanted a boy)...and all kinds of other things...
We got pregnant again before I got pregnant with my son, but unfortunately, I had a miscarriage and had to have a D&E to remove the "products of conception" because the baby had died inside me and my body wasnt discarding it like it should have.
I was devastated. Heartbroken...literally so sad that I could barely go to see one of my best friends in the hospital when she had her son because she had him right around the time that I would have been due...But I went anyway...
6 months later, on Valentines day, we got pregnant with my son, who just turned 13. The pregnancy I had with him was a little different but not by much.
When I found out I was pregnant, it was completely by surprise. I called my husband at work and told him that I was frustrated that I hadnt gotten my period yet (thinking that my periods had gone back to being irregular because we had been trying to get pregnant and couldnt if i wasnt getting my period)...He told me to call the doctor to get Provera to jump start my periods like I had before, before saying that I should go get a test to make sure I wasnt pregnant.
I told him that I really didnt think that I was pregnant but Id go to the store and get one anyway.
I went home, put my daughter down for a nap, and took the test...Again, within seconds, as I was putting the drops into the test, it was showing positive...
I was excited but scared out of my WITS because of what had happened with the previous pregnancy. I called my husband and then my doctor to set up an appt to come in immediately since I wanted to make sure the baby was ok...
I found out I was only 4 weeks along and was due November 3rd, 1999. The pregnancy was a breeze pretty much, with the exception of being tired and hot. (I was pregnant through the summer).
The pregnancy was going fine until I was about 28 weeks. I was staying with my mother at the time because, as usual, my husband was in jail....AGAIN. I went to her doorway of her room and said that I thought i might be in labor and she told me to call my doc, after asking how far along i was. (WTF?! she should have known that!)
My doctor told me to come in and when i got to the hospital, they checked me and found that i was 4 cms dilated.
That was the beginning of weeks of bedrest in the hospital...mag sulfate treatments...breathene shots...painful hip issues...physical therapy because I was on bedrest unable to get up...lots and lots o tests and ultrasounds...all the while listening to my mother scream at me on the other end of the phone because she had to take care of my daughter while I was dealing with everything. She kept asking me when they were going to let me come home.
It was a mess.
I had him at 36 weeks, in October 1999. Almost exactly 4 yrs to the day after having my oldest daughter.
Breastfeeding with my son would have gone REALLY well if I had had support, encouragement and help. But, I didn't. My mother was against breastfeeding. Thought it was disgusting and stupid...So, I caved and went to formula after a few weeks because I couldn't handle the berating and insults anymore.
In May of 2001, I found out that I was pregnant again by accident. It was a really bad time to have gotten pregnant because I had just filed for divorce from my oldest twos father and was in a bad place in my life...It was scary and I was in shock because I really hadn't wanted to get pregnant again...at least not at that time. My now EX husband was not the father and I was super freaked out and scared...I had switched birth control pills because I had been bleeding for a solid month and couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with me. My doctor put me on a different birth control but something happened and I got pregnant.
However scared I was, the pregnancy was beautiful...No issues, no morning sickness, no sore breasts, nothing. I sailed through the pregnancy like a dream...Until i started going into labor at 24 weeks. Thats when they put me on this medication called Procardia and it was the MOST fantastic thing in the world because it stopped EVERY stitch of preterm labor...I had to take it every 3 hours and make sure to drink lots of water.
I made it to 35/37 weeks (depending on who you ask...*I* thought that because a previous doctor told me I was 2 weeks later then the docs I was seeing at the time, I said i was 37, *THEY* said I was 35...but, eh, whatevs.) with her. She was born in December of 2002.
She really is a beautiful miracle and I thank the Goddess every single day for her because getting pregnant with her woke me up and got me out of a really shitty situation.
She ended up having GERD so breastfeeding her was a pain in the behind but I was still able to pump and put my breast milk in with her formula.
9 months later I got pregnant with Holli. My pregnancy with her was fantastic, aside from a couple of early scares. At 6 weeks, I had started to bleed and thought i was having another miscarriage and told Cameron (my second husband)...He rushed me to the hospital....Turns out that the baby was fine...Good strong little heartbeat. My placenta had a little blood bubble behind it and thats where the blood was coming from...
After that, I called my family practitioner and told him that I was pregnant again and wanted to be put back on the Procardia to avoid any preterm complications. I knew I had time because my body would try to start going into labor between 27-28 weeks pregnant. I wanted to get a jump start.
She was born in June 2004 after 38 weeks of pregnancy. She was my biggest and the furthest Id made it with very very few complications.
My youngest child, was conceived when Holli was exactly 1 yr old. I found out on July 4th, 2005 that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed but scared because Cameron kept saying that we couldnt afford another baby although we werent exactly trying to prevent a pregnancy if it happened.
The pregnancy up until I was 28 weeks along was awesome. NO morning sickness...No pain...No sore tits. I adored being pregnant with her. Was really energetic, happy, overjoyed...
Until that December when we lost Cameron from a car accident.
After that I really dont remember much as far as the pregnancy because I was in SUCH a deep deep mourning that I just kinda blurred everything in my life.
Julia was born February 21, 2006 after 37 weeks 6 days of pregnancy. The labor was awful, painful and I almost died.
She wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding and I was in such a depression and mourning from having lost Cameron that it didnt matter to me. Formula was fine and easier...
It didnt stop me from bonding incredibly hard with her. Shes my little hip attachment and will just sit or snuggle with me for hours on end..will come in and give me lots and lots of kisses for no reason...I call her "my last gift from Cameron"...
Being a mom is the most amazing thing to me and I live for my children. When Cameron died, I wanted to die too and would have. With the exception of the fact that one day I was sitting at his grave, telling him I didnt know how I was going to live without him. And how I wanted to die too so that I could be with him.
Clear as a bell I heard his voice say to me "Dont you dare. You have our girls to think about. You have THEM to live for..."
And I have been living for them ever since. WIthout them I honestly dont know where Id be. They are my world, my air, my everything. Being a mom is the best thing in the world and I wouldnt trade it for anything EVER. If anything ever happened to my kids, I honestly dont think that i could go on. It would kill me and Id fail to function as a human being.
When I found out I was pregnant with my first child at 18, I didnt even realize that the symptoms I had been having werent, in fact, the FLU, but it was morning sickness...BAD.
For a while, Id wake up with my husband, help him get ready for work and as he left, curl up and go back to sleep because Id be SO tired but I thought it was just because I was sick...
Id wake up SPRINTING to the bathroom to HURL anything that I had eaten while I was helping my husband get ready for work and I just couldnt understand what the hell was wrong with me...There was a time that me and my husband went to Subway to eat...I walked into the place and almost hurled right there because of the smell in there. I couldnt handle it.
We left and went somewhere else.
I had skipped my periods but didnt really dawn on me because from the day that I started *GETTING* my period, I had always been massively irregular. But, something told me to walk to CVS and grab a test...Within SECONDS of taking the test, the little pink "+" sign showed up. I was shocked....And had no idea how far along I was because I didnt even really remember when my last period had been before that.
Whats funny is that the moment I found out that i was pregnant, I stopped having the morning sickness...the nausea...the sore tits. Mind boggling.
I dont really remember going to my first doctors appt. I dont remember finding out how far along I was, but I remember going to my first ultrasound and seeing the baby...I was 12 weeks along......I had no idea what that meant.
Around 26 weeks I started having contractions and ended up in and out of the hospital several times before delivering my daughter at 31 weeks on October 30th, 1995 @ 2:50 in the afternoon. She weighed a teeny 4 lbs 5 ounces and was barely 16 inches long.
While I was going through all of that, alls I kept hearing was all this information about complications...issues that the baby might have if she were born this early...birth defects...long term health issues that could arise...I willed her to stay in longer...Prayed that shed be healthy. And she was.
I have been told that had I gone full term with her, she would have been HUGE.
I had no clue about breastfeeding and really didn't have the chance to do it because she was in the NICU for one day shy of 3 weeks and I wasn't able to see her everyday because she was in a hospital 2 hours away from us.
When she came home, it was a wonderful day. I had pretty much given up on breastfeeding at this point.
With my son, I knew a little bit more because prior to getting pregnant with him, the internet had just arrived...AOL was the newest thing...I researched the FUCK out of EVERYTHING....how to get pregnant...how to stay pregnant....how to get pregnant with a boy...(my husband now had, in addition to my daughter, three other daughters and he wanted a boy)...and all kinds of other things...
We got pregnant again before I got pregnant with my son, but unfortunately, I had a miscarriage and had to have a D&E to remove the "products of conception" because the baby had died inside me and my body wasnt discarding it like it should have.
I was devastated. Heartbroken...literally so sad that I could barely go to see one of my best friends in the hospital when she had her son because she had him right around the time that I would have been due...But I went anyway...
6 months later, on Valentines day, we got pregnant with my son, who just turned 13. The pregnancy I had with him was a little different but not by much.
When I found out I was pregnant, it was completely by surprise. I called my husband at work and told him that I was frustrated that I hadnt gotten my period yet (thinking that my periods had gone back to being irregular because we had been trying to get pregnant and couldnt if i wasnt getting my period)...He told me to call the doctor to get Provera to jump start my periods like I had before, before saying that I should go get a test to make sure I wasnt pregnant.
I told him that I really didnt think that I was pregnant but Id go to the store and get one anyway.
I went home, put my daughter down for a nap, and took the test...Again, within seconds, as I was putting the drops into the test, it was showing positive...
I was excited but scared out of my WITS because of what had happened with the previous pregnancy. I called my husband and then my doctor to set up an appt to come in immediately since I wanted to make sure the baby was ok...
I found out I was only 4 weeks along and was due November 3rd, 1999. The pregnancy was a breeze pretty much, with the exception of being tired and hot. (I was pregnant through the summer).
The pregnancy was going fine until I was about 28 weeks. I was staying with my mother at the time because, as usual, my husband was in jail....AGAIN. I went to her doorway of her room and said that I thought i might be in labor and she told me to call my doc, after asking how far along i was. (WTF?! she should have known that!)
My doctor told me to come in and when i got to the hospital, they checked me and found that i was 4 cms dilated.
That was the beginning of weeks of bedrest in the hospital...mag sulfate treatments...breathene shots...painful hip issues...physical therapy because I was on bedrest unable to get up...lots and lots o tests and ultrasounds...all the while listening to my mother scream at me on the other end of the phone because she had to take care of my daughter while I was dealing with everything. She kept asking me when they were going to let me come home.
It was a mess.
I had him at 36 weeks, in October 1999. Almost exactly 4 yrs to the day after having my oldest daughter.
Breastfeeding with my son would have gone REALLY well if I had had support, encouragement and help. But, I didn't. My mother was against breastfeeding. Thought it was disgusting and stupid...So, I caved and went to formula after a few weeks because I couldn't handle the berating and insults anymore.
In May of 2001, I found out that I was pregnant again by accident. It was a really bad time to have gotten pregnant because I had just filed for divorce from my oldest twos father and was in a bad place in my life...It was scary and I was in shock because I really hadn't wanted to get pregnant again...at least not at that time. My now EX husband was not the father and I was super freaked out and scared...I had switched birth control pills because I had been bleeding for a solid month and couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with me. My doctor put me on a different birth control but something happened and I got pregnant.
However scared I was, the pregnancy was beautiful...No issues, no morning sickness, no sore breasts, nothing. I sailed through the pregnancy like a dream...Until i started going into labor at 24 weeks. Thats when they put me on this medication called Procardia and it was the MOST fantastic thing in the world because it stopped EVERY stitch of preterm labor...I had to take it every 3 hours and make sure to drink lots of water.
I made it to 35/37 weeks (depending on who you ask...*I* thought that because a previous doctor told me I was 2 weeks later then the docs I was seeing at the time, I said i was 37, *THEY* said I was 35...but, eh, whatevs.) with her. She was born in December of 2002.
She really is a beautiful miracle and I thank the Goddess every single day for her because getting pregnant with her woke me up and got me out of a really shitty situation.
She ended up having GERD so breastfeeding her was a pain in the behind but I was still able to pump and put my breast milk in with her formula.
9 months later I got pregnant with Holli. My pregnancy with her was fantastic, aside from a couple of early scares. At 6 weeks, I had started to bleed and thought i was having another miscarriage and told Cameron (my second husband)...He rushed me to the hospital....Turns out that the baby was fine...Good strong little heartbeat. My placenta had a little blood bubble behind it and thats where the blood was coming from...
After that, I called my family practitioner and told him that I was pregnant again and wanted to be put back on the Procardia to avoid any preterm complications. I knew I had time because my body would try to start going into labor between 27-28 weeks pregnant. I wanted to get a jump start.
She was born in June 2004 after 38 weeks of pregnancy. She was my biggest and the furthest Id made it with very very few complications.
My youngest child, was conceived when Holli was exactly 1 yr old. I found out on July 4th, 2005 that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed but scared because Cameron kept saying that we couldnt afford another baby although we werent exactly trying to prevent a pregnancy if it happened.
The pregnancy up until I was 28 weeks along was awesome. NO morning sickness...No pain...No sore tits. I adored being pregnant with her. Was really energetic, happy, overjoyed...
Until that December when we lost Cameron from a car accident.
After that I really dont remember much as far as the pregnancy because I was in SUCH a deep deep mourning that I just kinda blurred everything in my life.
Julia was born February 21, 2006 after 37 weeks 6 days of pregnancy. The labor was awful, painful and I almost died.
She wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding and I was in such a depression and mourning from having lost Cameron that it didnt matter to me. Formula was fine and easier...
It didnt stop me from bonding incredibly hard with her. Shes my little hip attachment and will just sit or snuggle with me for hours on end..will come in and give me lots and lots of kisses for no reason...I call her "my last gift from Cameron"...
Being a mom is the most amazing thing to me and I live for my children. When Cameron died, I wanted to die too and would have. With the exception of the fact that one day I was sitting at his grave, telling him I didnt know how I was going to live without him. And how I wanted to die too so that I could be with him.
Clear as a bell I heard his voice say to me "Dont you dare. You have our girls to think about. You have THEM to live for..."
And I have been living for them ever since. WIthout them I honestly dont know where Id be. They are my world, my air, my everything. Being a mom is the best thing in the world and I wouldnt trade it for anything EVER. If anything ever happened to my kids, I honestly dont think that i could go on. It would kill me and Id fail to function as a human being.
October 02, 2012
Creativity in my World...
Speaking with someone earlier today through email, he responds to something I had said previously in an email to him. He said:
"Absofreakinglutely is not a word."
To which I responded "It is in *MY* world."
And it got me to thinking. In my world, there are tons of words and situations that I have created and live in, both on my own or with friends that I use on a continual basis.
Awesometastic and Fantabulous are two of the words I use the most...
In my world, there are times when I just want to squish my cat (which just means to lay and snuggle him and feel his fur on my face and in between my fingertips. He lets me do it because he has been in my world since the day he was born and is used to being handled and touched and cuddled.),
In my world, there are times that I just want to listen to music and dance and sing around my living room, pretending Im the rock star on stage that Ive always wanted to be...
In my world, there are times that Im quiet, when I just want to sit on my couch, watch Law and Order:SVU on netflix and knit...There are times, where I get a spurt of excessive energy and I get the girls ready and bolt out the door to do something spontaneous like going to Newport to walk Cliff walk or go apple picking, or go to the craft store to get craft stuff to make things, or go to the beach and just watch the ocean and listen to the waves...I have many many aspects to myself.
In my world, there are times that I just feel like doing my hair and make up for no reason but still stay in sweats and dont go anywhere. There are times that I also get dressed up just because I want to.
I take pictures like crazy and sometimes like to do shoots of myself, just so that when Im old and decrepit, I can look back and say "DAYUM, I was a hottie." In addition to if something were to ever happen to me, my girls will have a shit ton of pictures to look at and remember me, like we have of their Daddy.
I love to write...Blogs, poetry and the like...When Im writing, the girls know to be quiet and not disturb me. They know that its important to me and know that I use it to express myself. Its the same way with painting and cooking too. Its cathartic to me, relaxing, almost meditative and therapeutic.
Mostly, Im a homebody. I stay home, relaxing, chilling around the house. Unless the girls aren't here. Then I usually am out and about, whether its getting my nails done or treating myself to Sushi or a little mexican place called Cilantro (MY meal alone is at LEAST $11 when I go so its a little to expensive to bring the girls, so its something I only go to when they're not here) But its not often. Even when they aren't here, I sit around the house. Just relaxing and listening to the silence.
Ive found that as I age, Im past the "partying" stage of life. Sure, Ill go out to karaoke or even to Mardi Gras (a club here in Rhode Island) but normally, Im leaving by midnight, coming home, getting out of my "party clothes" and just sitting in front of my computer...I guess mainly because Id rather deal with people on the internet, then being hit on, grabbed, groped and pawed at when I go out.
Ive realized that I have a personal space that when others touch me, I cringe or move. Unless I know you and am close to you, DONT TOUCH ME.
I was at work a couple of weeks ago. A coworker and I got into it. My boss came up and was trying to get us to make up....We did but then he forced us into a hug...I was like "oh, oh, personal space invaded!"
I felt really awkward.
In my world, Im a complicated, never know what you're going to get kinda chick.
I say chick and dude and groovy. I make up words because I can. Im a home body, a somewhat party girl when the girls aren't home...A quiet, rambunctious, moody, DONT-touch-me-unless-i-know-you kinda girl...I love Halloween and sometimes I feel like a little kid playing with my mothers make up. Sometimes I dont feel like a grown up and feel like any moment, my mother will walk in and say to go to bed or school or whatever...
Thats just a little bit of what my world is like.
"Absofreakinglutely is not a word."
To which I responded "It is in *MY* world."
And it got me to thinking. In my world, there are tons of words and situations that I have created and live in, both on my own or with friends that I use on a continual basis.
Awesometastic and Fantabulous are two of the words I use the most...
In my world, there are times when I just want to squish my cat (which just means to lay and snuggle him and feel his fur on my face and in between my fingertips. He lets me do it because he has been in my world since the day he was born and is used to being handled and touched and cuddled.),
In my world, there are times that I just want to listen to music and dance and sing around my living room, pretending Im the rock star on stage that Ive always wanted to be...
In my world, there are times that Im quiet, when I just want to sit on my couch, watch Law and Order:SVU on netflix and knit...There are times, where I get a spurt of excessive energy and I get the girls ready and bolt out the door to do something spontaneous like going to Newport to walk Cliff walk or go apple picking, or go to the craft store to get craft stuff to make things, or go to the beach and just watch the ocean and listen to the waves...I have many many aspects to myself.
In my world, there are times that I just feel like doing my hair and make up for no reason but still stay in sweats and dont go anywhere. There are times that I also get dressed up just because I want to.
I take pictures like crazy and sometimes like to do shoots of myself, just so that when Im old and decrepit, I can look back and say "DAYUM, I was a hottie." In addition to if something were to ever happen to me, my girls will have a shit ton of pictures to look at and remember me, like we have of their Daddy.
I love to write...Blogs, poetry and the like...When Im writing, the girls know to be quiet and not disturb me. They know that its important to me and know that I use it to express myself. Its the same way with painting and cooking too. Its cathartic to me, relaxing, almost meditative and therapeutic.
Mostly, Im a homebody. I stay home, relaxing, chilling around the house. Unless the girls aren't here. Then I usually am out and about, whether its getting my nails done or treating myself to Sushi or a little mexican place called Cilantro (MY meal alone is at LEAST $11 when I go so its a little to expensive to bring the girls, so its something I only go to when they're not here) But its not often. Even when they aren't here, I sit around the house. Just relaxing and listening to the silence.
Ive found that as I age, Im past the "partying" stage of life. Sure, Ill go out to karaoke or even to Mardi Gras (a club here in Rhode Island) but normally, Im leaving by midnight, coming home, getting out of my "party clothes" and just sitting in front of my computer...I guess mainly because Id rather deal with people on the internet, then being hit on, grabbed, groped and pawed at when I go out.
Ive realized that I have a personal space that when others touch me, I cringe or move. Unless I know you and am close to you, DONT TOUCH ME.
I was at work a couple of weeks ago. A coworker and I got into it. My boss came up and was trying to get us to make up....We did but then he forced us into a hug...I was like "oh, oh, personal space invaded!"
I felt really awkward.
In my world, Im a complicated, never know what you're going to get kinda chick.
I say chick and dude and groovy. I make up words because I can. Im a home body, a somewhat party girl when the girls aren't home...A quiet, rambunctious, moody, DONT-touch-me-unless-i-know-you kinda girl...I love Halloween and sometimes I feel like a little kid playing with my mothers make up. Sometimes I dont feel like a grown up and feel like any moment, my mother will walk in and say to go to bed or school or whatever...
Thats just a little bit of what my world is like.
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