So, since we moved life has been a bit on the chaotic side -
we moved
kim and her kids moved out so there was an adjustment period there after going from the 5 of us to the 9 of us then moving then going right back to the 5 of us again...
getting lilia on a daily school schedule and keeping her to it
finding a job - working for three weeks then ultimately leaving that job because i felt COMPLETELY irrevocably uncomfortable with the way things were run there (imma bartender)
job hunting, going on interview after interview...
keeping up with the house, the kids, and all thats in between...
ive been working out and on 1270(ish) calorie diet and an extreme workout regimen that includes going to the gym and jillian michaels' 30 day shred...ive lost 15 pounds so far. I feel great!
other then that, pretty much everything else is normal....except the fact that we're fighting again........badly...i cant keep up appearances for the sake of looking and sit here acting like everything's peachy. its not. i told dave yesterday that i want a separation...i cant take the fighting, the bickering, the arguing, the "at-each-others-throats" feelings...its just not kosher with me. it doesn't sit right. I cant handle it. So, i told him.
i feel oddly calm but slightly nervous...this will make us, or, break us...we'll see.
Hes going to try to go to Kentucky. he has a friend down there whos family owns a mine. i told him to be careful...
May 15, 2010
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD...
EVERY WOMAN...
Every woman should…..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a youth she’s content to leave behind….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …. a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…that she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… where to go… be it to her best friend’s kitchen table… or a charming inn in the woods… when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
On a personal note...It takes a real man to be able to be with a real woman...and vice versa...there is a serious lack of both.
Every woman should…..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a youth she’s content to leave behind….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …. a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…that she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… where to go… be it to her best friend’s kitchen table… or a charming inn in the woods… when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
On a personal note...It takes a real man to be able to be with a real woman...and vice versa...there is a serious lack of both.
UNTITLED
I DREAMT OF YOU TODAY
YOU WERE JUST AS REAL
AS YESTERDAY
OUR HANDS TOUCHED
OUR LIPS CARESSED AND SPOKE
IT FELT SO REAL
WHAT WAS IT IN MY DREAM
THAT MADE ME FEEL
MY WORLD COME ALIVE AGAIN
ALIVE AND HEALTHY AND FREE
IN THE OTHER REALM
BEYOND UNSPEAKABLE DREAMS
HOW CAN IT BE
OUR LOVE IS THAT STRONG
WE WILL ALWAYS HOLD ON
WE WILL NEVER FORGET
FOREVER AND ALWAYS WE SAID
ITS WHAT WE MEANT
SO YOUNG TO GO
BUT YOU HAD THINGS TO DO
HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME STRANDED
WHAT AM I WITHOUT YOU?
JUST SIMPLY A GIRL
LEFT ON HER OWN
LEFT TO FEND FOR HERSELF
ONCE AGAIN, ALONE
I CLAIM TO BE STRONG
BUT HOW CAN I GO ON?
RIP CAMERON
YOU WERE JUST AS REAL
AS YESTERDAY
OUR HANDS TOUCHED
OUR LIPS CARESSED AND SPOKE
IT FELT SO REAL
WHAT WAS IT IN MY DREAM
THAT MADE ME FEEL
MY WORLD COME ALIVE AGAIN
ALIVE AND HEALTHY AND FREE
IN THE OTHER REALM
BEYOND UNSPEAKABLE DREAMS
HOW CAN IT BE
OUR LOVE IS THAT STRONG
WE WILL ALWAYS HOLD ON
WE WILL NEVER FORGET
FOREVER AND ALWAYS WE SAID
ITS WHAT WE MEANT
SO YOUNG TO GO
BUT YOU HAD THINGS TO DO
HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME STRANDED
WHAT AM I WITHOUT YOU?
JUST SIMPLY A GIRL
LEFT ON HER OWN
LEFT TO FEND FOR HERSELF
ONCE AGAIN, ALONE
I CLAIM TO BE STRONG
BUT HOW CAN I GO ON?
RIP CAMERON
MISSING YOU ( WRITTEN FOR CAMERON AFTER HE PASSED)
MISSING YOU
THIS ROOM SEEMS SO EMPTY
WITHOUT YOU LAYING BESIDE ME
I OPEN MY EYES
TO VACANT WALLS
FEELING NEXT TO ME
WHERE YOU SHOULD BE
I STARE AT THE PICTURES WE TOOK
TAKING THEM SLOWLY DOWN
ONE BY ONE OFF THE HOOKS
MISSING YOU IS DRIVING ME CRAZY
EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS
I WOULD ANSWER IT
THINKING IT WAS YOU
AND ALL THIS EMPTINESS
IS ALL JUST A CRUEL BAD DREAM
AND THIS NIGHTMARE ISNT TRUE
IM MISSING YOU LIKE CRAZY BABY
THE TOUCH OF YOUR HAND
YOUR CARESS ON MY CHEEK
THE SOFT MAGICAL KISSES
THAT DEVILISH LOOK IN YOUR EYES
IM SUFFERING THINKING
WHY
WHY YOU HAD TO GO AND LEAVE ME
WHY YOU HAD TO GO AND DIE.........
THIS ROOM SEEMS SO EMPTY
WITHOUT YOU LAYING BESIDE ME
I OPEN MY EYES
TO VACANT WALLS
FEELING NEXT TO ME
WHERE YOU SHOULD BE
I STARE AT THE PICTURES WE TOOK
TAKING THEM SLOWLY DOWN
ONE BY ONE OFF THE HOOKS
MISSING YOU IS DRIVING ME CRAZY
EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS
I WOULD ANSWER IT
THINKING IT WAS YOU
AND ALL THIS EMPTINESS
IS ALL JUST A CRUEL BAD DREAM
AND THIS NIGHTMARE ISNT TRUE
IM MISSING YOU LIKE CRAZY BABY
THE TOUCH OF YOUR HAND
YOUR CARESS ON MY CHEEK
THE SOFT MAGICAL KISSES
THAT DEVILISH LOOK IN YOUR EYES
IM SUFFERING THINKING
WHY
WHY YOU HAD TO GO AND LEAVE ME
WHY YOU HAD TO GO AND DIE.........
THE SLUMBERING ONE (WRITTEN FOR CAMERON WHEN HE WAS ALIVE)
AS I WATCH YOU SLEEP
CAPTURED IN YOUR DREAMS
I SMOOTH MY HAND OVER
YOUR DAMPENED BROW
MY THOUGHTS ARE HAPPY BLISSFUL AND CONTENT
HOW COULD I EVER THOUGHT
I WOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN
THOUGH IVE BEEN HURT
THOSE DAYS ARE LONG AGO
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
WHEN I WAS NAIVE
AND TRULY DIDNT BELIEVE
IVE SLOWLY PUT THE PAST AWAY
PUT IT FAR BEHIND ME
I CLOSE MY EYES TO IT
SO THAT I NO LONGER SEE
NO LONGER REMEMBER
THE PAIN AND AGONY
THE BAD MEMORIES
I RESOLVE NOW TO MAKE NEW ONES
WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL SLUMBERING ONE
CAPTURED IN YOUR DREAMS
I SMOOTH MY HAND OVER
YOUR DAMPENED BROW
MY THOUGHTS ARE HAPPY BLISSFUL AND CONTENT
HOW COULD I EVER THOUGHT
I WOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN
THOUGH IVE BEEN HURT
THOSE DAYS ARE LONG AGO
WHEN I WAS YOUNG
WHEN I WAS NAIVE
AND TRULY DIDNT BELIEVE
IVE SLOWLY PUT THE PAST AWAY
PUT IT FAR BEHIND ME
I CLOSE MY EYES TO IT
SO THAT I NO LONGER SEE
NO LONGER REMEMBER
THE PAIN AND AGONY
THE BAD MEMORIES
I RESOLVE NOW TO MAKE NEW ONES
WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL SLUMBERING ONE
WHO AM I?
WHO AM I?
INDEPENDENT,CARING,LOVING,AND DARING,SWEET,KIND,ONLY ONE OUT OF THE MOLD
SOMEONE TO HOLD
SOMEONE TO KISS
SOMEONE THAT DESERVES
TO BE SURROUNDED BY BLISS
WHO AM I?
CRAZY
SPUNKY
CLASSY
YET FUNKY
SOMEONE WHO DRESSES FLASHY
SOMEONE WHO LOVES SHOES
SOMEONE WHO DOESNT KNOW
WHO SHE CAN TRUST
WHO AM I?
IM A MOTHER
A LOVER
A SISTER
A FRIEND
SOMEONE WHO LOVES WITH ALL HER HEART
ABSOLUTELY UNTIL NO END
IMMA DRAGON, THE VIRGIN
A SCORPION AND A GOAT
I LOVE AND ADORE MYSELF
BUT I DONT GLOAT
IM LOUD
IM OUTGOING
IM SHY
IM QUIET
IM RESERVED
IMA PARTYGIRL
BUT THATS NOT ALL I AM
IM A PAINTER
IM AN ARTIST
IM A TATTOO ENTHUSIAST
I LOVE PIERCINGS
I LOVE LONG HAIRED GUYS
I LOVE MEN WITH LIGHT COLORED EYES
I LOVE HORSES AND RIDING
I LOVE MY GIRLS
I LOVE CUTTING HAIR AND GIVING CURLS
I LOVE MAKE UP AND MUSIC
IT BRIGHTENS MY DAY
WHEN THE SUN IS AWAY
IM AFRAID OF THE SUN
IM AFRAID OF SPIDERS
AND I HATE THE RAIN
I GET HYPER SOMETIMES
CRAZY AND SILLY TOO
BUT MOST OF THE TIME,
UNLESS I KNOW YOU
IM QUIET, RESERVED
AND KEEP TO MYSELF
BUT WHEN I GET EXCITED IM LIKE A LITTLE KID
I LOVE CANDLE LIGHT
AND INCENSE
ROMANTIC EVENINGS
WITH ROSE PETALS ON THE FLOOR
LONG WALKS UNDER THE STARS
ON THE BEACH
IN THE SPRING OR FALL
OR EVEN A COOL SUMMER NIGHT
I LOVE THE MOON
ESPECIALLY WHEN SHES FULL
I LOVE TRAIN RIDES
I LOVE WALKING IN THE FALLEN LEAVES
IN THE CHILLY FALL
I LOVE HALLOWEEN AND HATE THANKSGIVING
I LOVE COFFEE
I LOVE BONFIRES AND CAMPING
IM SIMPLY AMAZING,
IN TOUCH, IN LOVE WITH MYSELF
NOT CONCEITED JUST CONFIDENT
AND THATS WHAT MAKES ME SEXY.
INDEPENDENT,CARING,LOVING,AND DARING,SWEET,KIND,ONLY ONE OUT OF THE MOLD
SOMEONE TO HOLD
SOMEONE TO KISS
SOMEONE THAT DESERVES
TO BE SURROUNDED BY BLISS
WHO AM I?
CRAZY
SPUNKY
CLASSY
YET FUNKY
SOMEONE WHO DRESSES FLASHY
SOMEONE WHO LOVES SHOES
SOMEONE WHO DOESNT KNOW
WHO SHE CAN TRUST
WHO AM I?
IM A MOTHER
A LOVER
A SISTER
A FRIEND
SOMEONE WHO LOVES WITH ALL HER HEART
ABSOLUTELY UNTIL NO END
IMMA DRAGON, THE VIRGIN
A SCORPION AND A GOAT
I LOVE AND ADORE MYSELF
BUT I DONT GLOAT
IM LOUD
IM OUTGOING
IM SHY
IM QUIET
IM RESERVED
IMA PARTYGIRL
BUT THATS NOT ALL I AM
IM A PAINTER
IM AN ARTIST
IM A TATTOO ENTHUSIAST
I LOVE PIERCINGS
I LOVE LONG HAIRED GUYS
I LOVE MEN WITH LIGHT COLORED EYES
I LOVE HORSES AND RIDING
I LOVE MY GIRLS
I LOVE CUTTING HAIR AND GIVING CURLS
I LOVE MAKE UP AND MUSIC
IT BRIGHTENS MY DAY
WHEN THE SUN IS AWAY
IM AFRAID OF THE SUN
IM AFRAID OF SPIDERS
AND I HATE THE RAIN
I GET HYPER SOMETIMES
CRAZY AND SILLY TOO
BUT MOST OF THE TIME,
UNLESS I KNOW YOU
IM QUIET, RESERVED
AND KEEP TO MYSELF
BUT WHEN I GET EXCITED IM LIKE A LITTLE KID
I LOVE CANDLE LIGHT
AND INCENSE
ROMANTIC EVENINGS
WITH ROSE PETALS ON THE FLOOR
LONG WALKS UNDER THE STARS
ON THE BEACH
IN THE SPRING OR FALL
OR EVEN A COOL SUMMER NIGHT
I LOVE THE MOON
ESPECIALLY WHEN SHES FULL
I LOVE TRAIN RIDES
I LOVE WALKING IN THE FALLEN LEAVES
IN THE CHILLY FALL
I LOVE HALLOWEEN AND HATE THANKSGIVING
I LOVE COFFEE
I LOVE BONFIRES AND CAMPING
IM SIMPLY AMAZING,
IN TOUCH, IN LOVE WITH MYSELF
NOT CONCEITED JUST CONFIDENT
AND THATS WHAT MAKES ME SEXY.
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