Completely at Peace

so, the past few weeks has been a little nutty ultimately ending this past tuesday ( 12-22) when my recruiter called me and told me that they had to drop me and that my enlistment is off. I was devastated and i cant even begin the thoughts and stuff that went through my mind, my heart....my emotions.

But, today, since its christmas and i dont celebrate the day and the girls aren't here until the second of january, i figured i would consult the tarot cards and my well worn path cards. I honestly am at peace with the answers theyve given me. While i was ecstatic about leaving and being able to move and whatnot but apparently im not supposed to do that. Apparently, from what the tarot says, I'm to open a business....what KIND of business is beyond me but whatever they have in store for me, i will gladly accept with humble peace.

Life...

So, today as I'm sitting here thinking about the last few years, it dawns on me that my heart has become jaded and I've become what ive wanted to avoid....cold....bitchy....jaded almost. So, I make the vow today, as of December 17th 2009 that I will become the kind hearted loving caring woman that I was before. I dont like being cold, or a bitch. I have been looking at my affirmations everyday but some how they dont seem to be working. I need to start meditating hard core again. Im not cold towards my kids at all or towards my husband but towards other people. And I dont know why or how it happened. I know alot has happened since Cameron passed away but that doesnt mean that I should become this cold hearted bitch. I dont like it and its not me.

So, I make this vow that i will become the person that I was before...loving, kind hearted and caring towards other people. Im going to try to "pay it forward" and be nice but not a push over or naive.