Since I had my daughter Samantha, I have hated my physique, with the exception of when I was really thin...I have battled the way that i look body wise for sometime and cant stand the way it looks...with the exception of when I am thin, toned and fit...
Now, I know youre saying that I look great for having 5 kids and all that but let me tell ya...try living in my body...it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks about my body....*I* myself hate it....I hate the jiggly fat that hangs off...Im trying to come to grips with my stretch marks but having had disparaging comments (thanks Jesse) about them several times, having people think I was pregnant because of my pooch (trust me, even with as little as my pooch is, when I truly stick it out, it looks like im 4-5 months pregnant...which is why you ALWAYS see me sucking/holding it in)...I hate my flabby tits from breast feeding...I hate the fact that I have to wear a waist cincher to have my clothes lay without bumpyness...I hate the fact that because my sternum is raised, my breast tissue falls under my arms and have to physically move the breast tissue out from under my arms to put them down at my sides, to type, to knit, anything that you need your arms close to your sides for....I hate the fact that to get *INTO* a bra, i literally have to bend over to get all the skin, tissue and etc INTO the bra.
Ive tried all the body image self esteem affirmations but I really just can not get passed every horribly sad thing thats been said about my body...Even though in general, men seem to think Im "hot/sexy", thats not the image I want to portray anymore.............I want to be beautiful in someones eyes......and I feel like that until I'm beautiful in my OWN eyes, physically body wise, not face wise, Im not going to be happy...
Now, I know that Im a fantastic person AS A PERSON....but, the first thing people see when they look at me is S-E-X. I'm not kidding...........I cant tell you how many times, through out the day/night (whenever) I'm greeted with "hey SEXY"...not, "hey beautiful" or even "hey April."...
Anyway, thats another rants in and of itself...
This one is about the fact of me getting fit, getting healthy, feeling better, having more energy and over all becoming more physically beautiful to myself....
After I win this BeachBody Challenge, and win the money, I will be getting implants.........I had thought about getting a tummy tuck, but hopefully, with this Chalean Extreme and with the weihtloss and toning I will be doing in the next 89 days, I wont have to worry about that anymore.
I am tired to death of people telling me "THEY" dont think *I* need something.........Are YOU LIVING in *MY* body?????? Do YOU see what I see everyday???? Do you see what I go through to get dressed everyday?? No. You dont. And until you do, it doesnt matter what YOU THINK about my body, what matters is what I think...........and how I FEEL about myself...
I am not doing this challenge for anyone but myself. I am not doing this challenge to impress anyone, to get anyone to join me........if you want to join me, GREAT! contact me (or my coach - Russ Wright on here) about how!! if you dont, so be it....But Im getting healthy FOR ME...........diet (and no, i dont ACTUALLY MEAN "diet"...i mean healthy eating...fruits, veggies, no junk, no sugar, no bad fats etc), and exercise is something that you should be doing everyday anyway....When I lose weight, and people see it, one of the first things they say is "why are you trying to loose weight?", they ask "you dont need it."
Well, how do you KNOW I dont need it??? I feel healthier and happier when I dont have extra weight hnging on my bodyframe...Im relatively small...I know I seem bigger but Im really only 5'4"....And, I know it may not seem it but, I actually have PAIN in my body when i way over a certain amount.....the way someone who is extremely obese has issues with their knees and ankles? I have that...bad back? Yup, that too...less energy, you betcha...Im exhauted...and Im exhausted of looking in the mirror and seeing something nasty...my fat rolls...
I quit smoking because it was making me feel like shit....and because its bad bad bad for you........(it is, sorry smokers, but it is.).....And, my fat rolls is making me feel like shit too...I want them GONE...and my breasts fixed...I plan on talking about my Beach Body Challenge A LOT in the next several months, so, if Ya'll dont want to hear it, remove me from your friends list............Im also planning on becoming a coach for BeachBody, so if you dont want to hear about that either, remove me from your friends.......
I only have time for motivated, healthy, positive, NON DRAMA people now. I refuse to let this petty shit get to me anymore...From here on out, I am going to do me, worry about me, take the time that Ive devoted to EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYONE else (aside from my girls because they always come first before me), to myself...because I deserve it.
