I was looking at the girls' baby books the other night, reading what I wrote about their babyhoods...
I checked on them before I went to bed the other night, shortly after reading the books and its amazing to me that in 8 years, Lilia will be 17 and driving, Holli will be 15, and Julia, at this point, will be almost 14...Its scary that Ill be able to leave them at home alone if I need to and wont need to worry about a babysitter...Its a scary thought to me, that as they age, they wont need me like they do now and will be able to do a vast majority of stuff alone and on their own...
I cant even picture them grown. But, Lilia was standing in the kitchen the other day, and I looked at her from a distance, sitting on the couch, and was blown away by the fact that shell be 9 next month...8 more years and shell be 17, able to drive (if i let her!! UGHHHHHHHH!!!! maybe Ill make her wait...) and hopefully be either graduated from H.S. or gettnig ready to...
I love my children SO much it hurts sometimes...I look at them every day and am amazed by their beauty, their smarts and their unbelievable good hearts...I was telling a friend of mine that they have all inherited things and traits from Cameron that make me so proud...
Lilia has the Champion Spirit and heart...She wants to do for everyone...Just like Cameron...Shes great with kids and loves babies and animals...
Holli has his beauty, his happiness, his contentment...She looks SO much like him, its scary...Just in a more feminine way...Shes my goofy gorgeous funny girl...my continuous reminder of what her father was, and that he continues to live on through her, and all of them...
Julia has the more mischievous side of him to her...his sillyness, his tenderness and that "look" in her eyes that he would get when he was "plottin'" something... LOL
I cant IMAGINE my life without them in it...They have saved me on so many occasions I cant even count in my sanity and missing Cameron...There have been so many times that Ive wanted to give up, give in, and do it, just so that I could join him in Summerland because I miss him JUST THAT MUCH...........But one laugh, one victory for them, one HUG from one of them is all it takes to bring me right back to the ground and remember that I HAVE to live....FOR THEM......I cant do that to them, I cant leave them and leave them parent-less...And they save me once again...
I look forward to the days that they learn to drive (*GULP*), go to college and graduate (or whatever they choose to do), meet someone and fall in love...get married...
I look forward to day when they (and their husband *hopefully*) announce they are pregnant...when they tell me they are in labor...and when I hold my grandchild for the first time...
I look forward to seeing them become successful in whatever they do...
I am so lucky to have them and be their Mom...I love them so damn much, it seriously hurts sometimes...
Reading through their Baby Books the other night, and remembering when they were babies, it makes me wonder how I see all OVER the internet (and tv) about how mother hood is "tough"....Now, I'm not saying that its not, but, I have a totally different take on things.....I have been completely blessed with awesome children... and, when they were younger, babies.......ALL of my girls were awesome babies....Holli and Julia slept through the night pretty much from the beginning and Lilia was 2 1/2 months when she started...Julia was a bit fussy but yea, most babies are and thats to be expected...I had a few episodes of projectile vomiting with Lilia and with Julia...but I cleaned it up, cleaned them up and trudged on...Being a mother to me was what Ive always wanted so to have a few bumps in the road was to be completely expected....I never had the sleepless nights.....Well, I *DID* but that was only after Cameron passed away...the sleepness nights werent part of the motherhood thing....
I dont understand how some parents will bithc and complain and whine about "not having any sleep" or spit up stained clothes or smelly diapers....if you didnt want to have to deal with that, WHY HAVE KIDS?!Im sorry if this upsets most of my parent friends but I am frankly tired of seeing it all over the internet that parenting is hard...ITS really NOT that bad.
Im not saying that there werent some *brief* periods of time where they WERE terrors...but, literally, it WAS brief...I didnt freak out, I didnt lose it and start complaining that my kids are horrible, my kids are this, my kids are that....Im a parent. I deal with things beCAUSE Im a parent...I knew that certain things come with the territory of being a parent...
Now that my girls are older, I *RARELY* have a problem with the girls...I can take them anywhere, we can go out to eat and they act like ladies...When I go somewhere and they start meandering off, alls I have to do is snap my fingers, give them a look and theyre back at my side...People cant believe, and will compliment, on how well behaved they are...
I guess its because I have been *SO* in their lives, teaching them...talking to them...I dont talk to them as *kids* per se, unless its something that they need kid terms in, but, Im of the opinion that kids are not stupid and they quite well understand whats going on around them...
And maybe, because they lost their father SO young, its given them a different view on life. I hug them constantly, give them kisses and praise them on a continual basis...I dont talk down to them, cause again, they ARENT stupid and understand...Im very much a Natural attachment parent...I dont withhold affection and if they want attention of some sort, I give it to them willingly and with all the love in my heart.
I guess I also dont want them to have the kind of childhood that I did....fearful, afraid, worried and timid...My mother never gave me the love that I needed so when I had Lilia, I made the decision to give them everything that I could...
Now, Im *NOT* saying that some parents DONT have it hard...there are plenty out there that do. And my heart goes out to those that do....but, Im tired of reading story after story (mainly teen mom and other such shows) that say "being a parent is *sooooooo* HARD!!!"...
Cause in my opinion, its not.
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