My sexual discovery of self love and orgasms during sex

I was watching a program tonight about sex and FSD in women. (Female Sexual Dysfunction) and I listening to the womens stories on there, I got to thinking...how did I come about in my sexual proclivities, fetishes, likes, kinks and the way I've discovered things about myself...??? Where did I learn about orgasms, self loving and sex and every other aspect of the sexual side of myself??

Growing up, my mother didn't teach me shit. I had to learn it ALL on my own by trial and error...While I was watching this program, I thought to myself that I really couldn't be sure if pleasuring yourself is something you learn from someone, or, something you learn on your own. I honestly dont remember HOW I figured out that touching myself down in the girly parts would make me feel good, I just know that it did.

I cant explain how I used to self love myself. Its kind of difficult to describe.
I didn't actually really start touching myself with my fingers until much MUCH later..I would hump pillows, stuffed animals, blankets, you name it. I just knew that itd make my "girly parts" tingle and feel good. I know I was roughly about 10 years old when I did realize that feeling....for self loving.

But, for during SEX, well, its a little more...wonky. I really dont remember when I discovered I can feel good in the same way...Meaning, have the explosive orgasm during sex like I did when I self loved myself.

Did I learn it? Was it naturally ingrained? Did self loving myself for all those years help to teach my brain HOW to achieve orgasms during sex?

I also remember around the same time, perhaps a little later, (11 or 12), when I found my parents' porn "collection"...I remember putting it into the VCR (holy fuck, remember those?? Those big giant machines with clunky tapes...ugh...but I digress), pushing play, sitting on the floor of my livingroom and watching in wonder and fascination at what was going on between the two people on the screen...I think this is around the time I realized that porn stirred something within me, specifically rougher looking sex, because I felt arousal in my "girly parts" like I'd never experienced before.

I didn't realize it at the time, but this was my hormones setting off the "horniness" that I feel today when Im aroused. My body had begun to blossom and I was along for the ride...During this tape, I believe thats when I realized that sex was supposed to be rough and wild and crazy, because the couple in the video I was watching, were going completely nuts.

I remember thinking, in my very young brain, "Does she feel as good as I do when I touch my....*blush* down there girly bits?" (and yes, that was my exact thought at that time...)

I remember looking at the girls body, and looking down at my tits. You have to remember, when I was 11 or 12 yrs old, it was 1986/1987. Back then, the girls in porn had big giant porn boobs. I was shocked and fascinated how big they were, how they moved, how round they were and I became hooked on having big titties when I grew up.

Of course, my mother was rather large chested, so I thought "Fantastic! Im gonna have big boobs like her!!"...WRONG...I got jipped in that department...and that was the beginning to the obsession with wanting big tits.

Flash forward to 7 or 8 short yrs later, to when I was 18 and with my first husband, Michael. I really learned a lot from him in our relationship and marriage. I learned a lot about sex, taboos (like anal...he was the first one to introduce me to it) and how to just be a woman in general. Before him, I had no idea about anything else...with him I had my first orgasms during sex and it exploded inside of me like a firework. In the 6 years he and I were together, I learned a lot of stuff about sex, and about myself and what I liked...and didnt like.

And still, even after him and I split, with Cameron, my late husband, I still learned more, with Dave, my ex even more still...with every other guy (and myself alone) in between, with researching and watching and reading, Ive taught myself a lot in the last 11 yrs since my first husband and I split.

I think it doesn't matter how old you are, if you're gay straight, bi, trans or whatever...Self loving and self discovery about yourself and *YOUR* sexuality is important to you and no one should tell you that something is wrong with you because of XYZ...

LOVE.