After much soul searching, deliberating, prayers, meditation and all that goes with that, as well as many many revelations of our relationship in the past 6 months, I have decided to give my marriage one more try and work things out...After writing the blog about marital vows on Eddie Montgomery's wife filing for divorce after finding out his cancer diagnosis of her husband, I got to thinking...I do believe that we have both learned some lessons and things as far as relationships are concerned....
For the majority of me and Dave's relationship, I was "ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!!" when it shouldn't have been. A marriage should never really be one sided...its actually TWO sided....a team effort....and in my eyes, because I was the one who made the majority of the money, whether I was working or not, I felt that it SHOULD have been all about me....but thats not the way a marriage SHOULD be.....
I honestly believed that, because of the fact that in all my life, everyone always tried to tell me WHAT to do and control what I did and how to live MY life and everything else, that when Cameron passed away, I truly didn't want that anymore OR to let ANYONE ever try to tell me what to do again. So, from day one, I told Dave "Im gonna do what I want, when I want and you cant stop me"...and he seemed to be ok with it.....until it started getting to the point where I wasn't even asking if he minded that I do certain things...I would just DO them.
Ultimately, HIS backlash and the fact that even though I was asking for HIS support in things and just EXPECTED that he be there for me, I wasn't supporting HIM in things. Also, another large factor of our marriage starting to fall apart was the fact that we had my ex-best friend and her unruly, spoiled, horrible brats living with us for the majority of our marriage (7 months july-february) and from June 11th til she moved in July 21st, when Dave got home from BCT after being gone for 11 weeks just completely destroyed our first "newlywed" year of marriage. So, in its entirety, we had from March 17th (our wedding date) until March 26th (when he left for BCT) and then from June 11th until July 21st, to bond as a NEWLY married couple...thats not much time...On top of that, every time he and I would be affectionate with each other in front of her or she knew we were intimate the night before in our bedroom,no matter HOW quiet we were, she always just HAPPENED to hear us, she would make horribly snipey comments to us such as "oh get a room" or would make comments about how the "apartment was shaking" when a TRUCK driving by on the road would make the entire building shake...She was extremely bitter and vengeful and you know what they say..."misery loves company" so I guess she figured, since SHE was unhappy, I should be too......It got to the point where she got in the middle of us and started fights between us. She caused an (almost) irreparable rift between us, even trying to cause issues even after Dave moved out...I really believe she was a completely toxic person and no matter what I think about in the future, I will NEVER be friends with her again.
So, Dave and I are back together, trying it again. We went to the courthouse the morning after he came home to file paperwork dismissing the divorce case and living as a married couple again, trying to heal the wounds that had been formed and reconnecting on the marital front.
We have also decided to finally have the "big" dream wedding that Ive always wanted and he actually wants to be a part of it and the planning. We've decided on March 16, 2013.
So, heres to new beginnings, starting over, and having the REAL first year of newlywed marriage start over redo.
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