A year ago, I had just told Dave that I wanted him to move out...Once he did the beginning of June, I filed for divorce in August, went to court in October and by December he was back, and we were working things out....ALMOST separated again in April, actually driving him down to NJ and dropped him and his belongings off at Jays........................
Heres where it gets weird............When I kicked him out last year, I **HATED** him. I despised and loathed him.............But, he gave me my space that I needed (sorta) and I healed. My heart healed and my mind got over the hurt that he had caused. And I realized, through all of the bull, banishing, spells and blocking that I did to him in every way possible, he was STILL able to get a hold of me...And once my mind got over that, I started to accept talking to him and working on my marriage.
Then, when he came home, he got a job, which hes STILL working at....He's pretty much running the frozen department and hes went from 2 or three days a week, to suddenly 48 HOURS a week hes doing such a good job.....
When we almost split up in April (again), it was mostly because he was working so much and we had virtually NO communication, on top of a few other things, and when we DID have communication, he would say some VERY hurtful things that should NOT have come out of a husbands mouth to his wife.....HOWEVER, that being said, when I dropped him off in NJ, some stuff happened and while I was having a panic attack and mental breakdown, it was HIM that completely took over the situation, handled it FOR me and comforted me..........
I said to him "Now, if you would do THIS at HOME, we wouldnt be IN this situation right now, You wouldnt be HERE with all your stuff..."
And let me tell ya, (and, I wont say this to him because every-time I HAVE said something to him like this, the other shoe has "dropped" so to speak and things start to go down the shitter), I dunno if it was the thought that I didnt HESITATE to kick him out this time and I told him that this was it, no separation and that I was filing the divorce paperwork AS SOON AS I GOT HOME.........The seperation wasnt enough.
I told him this time that I wasnt doing this this time because I didnt love him....Fact is, I loved him (and still do very much) but I was tired of going round and round and round through the same cycle, hitting rewind every 6 months or so and going through it again....I told him he HAD to have consequences to opening his mouth and saying things before he thought them and treating me, his wife, like garbage and taking complete advantage of her. The way he treated me was that he was entitled to live here, that he didnt have to help out...
Well, needless to say, we talked through texting all weekend while he was at our friends house and I was at my in laws resting...And after I left there on that Monday, I went to pick him and all of his things BACK up and we came home...
And he has COMPLETELY turned over a new leaf...Hes been treating me better then he even did when we first started dating, contributing money to the household, taking me and the girls out to eat, buying things for the house...and this is what *truly* showed me hes trying to turn over a new leaf....
Earlier today, we have an argument...I started crying and walked out of the room and went to the bathroom...I wasn't mad, I was *REALLY* upset and disappointed about the topic we had been arguing about...........After a few minutes, he ACTUALLY came after me, knocked on the door...When I opened it, he wrapped me in his arms and GENUINELY said "I'm really sorry." Hes never said "I'm sorry" without urging from me.......shit, in general life.
But he said it....
I cant believe what a year does....and, I dont want to jinx it by saying itll "always" be like this because in my mind, thats not realistic because I know how we are.
We'll always go through cycles, but, I hope, for his sake, that he keeps THIS side of himself UP....
Hes even talking about wanting to seriously go to EMT school so that he can get a better job to support me and the girls...
Could it be? Thats hes actually.............GROWN UP and realized what a MARRIED man (and step father figure sorta person) is supposed to be/do??? :-)
I hope so.
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