Dear Debra,
I’m calling you that because for years, you haven’t acknowledged that I’m your daughter….And from what Ive been told, you only acknowledge Nick as your only child….Of course you do, because hes your little Prince…..….
For years, you have made ME out to be the bad guy but I just want to tell you something. I am NOT the bad guy…YOU are….You were the one to beat the shit out of me for the slightest transgressions while Nick got the royal treatment, even when HALF the shit was HIS fault, I GOT severely beaten...You were the one who belittled me and made me feel like I was the biggest most worthless piece of trash on the planet…You were the one going to work everyday, then coming home, getting slutted up, leaving ME at home to raise YOUR son til all hours of the night so that you could screw guy after guy after guy when I was a young teenager…Ask yourself….what kind of mother can do that to her only daughter and think that its ok??? Let me tell ya….ITS NOT OK….I would NEVER dream of doing to MY kids what you did and continually hid from the entire family... And they now think that Im the worst enemy on the planet…And Im really not…I never had a chance in that family….because of you. Im done holding my tongue and Im done pretending that what you did to me all those years didn’t affect me…..It took Michael 2 YEARS to undo the damage that you did…and much to your dislike, he DID do a lot to help me…
And after ten years of not speaking, I figure, its TIME that I let this out so that I can let it go.
I never did anything to you….I never did anything to deserve the major abuse and neglect and heartbreak of a mother abandoning her child that you put me through…Except be born to an unwed slut of a teenaged mother…I didn’t ask to be born, but you had me anyway… I never made YOU feel like you were a worthless mother…I tried everything that I could to make you proud of me, begged you for your love, you continually acted like I was just your live in babysitter slave that you could beat...Even when someone called DYFS and they came to MY SCHOOL, pulled me out of class to ask me and Nick about abuse allegations and I FUCKING LIED FOR YOU…..I lied for you so that we wouldn’t be taken away….Oh, and just so ya know, I wasn’t the one who called like you tell EVERYONE………..Could it have been the welts and bruises you used to leave on me?? Or could it have been the fact that they neighbors and my friends witnessed it all and saw the brusies???? Or the fact that my guidance counselor told me that if he saw one more welt, bruise, or mark on me, he was going to have to “Intervene”???…They witnessed the fighting, the abuse, the fact that in 95* weather I wore long sleeves and pants…it wasn’t because I was “cold” it was to hide the bruises that YOU INFLICTED ON YOUR TEENAGED CHILD.…So you can keep that shit that I called them to yourself because it’s a bald face LIE and you know it…
For years, I’ve apologized for doing this or doing that and taking the blame for you not wanting to be a part of my life or my beautiful childrens lives....I’m NOT going to anymore….
And what boggles my mind is the fact that for EVERYTHING that I did (or didn’t do because I KNOW the lies you’ve spread about me…People have filled me in on all the horrid things you’ve said about me that aren’t true, oh yes, I have "spies" that are on MY side now, NOT YOURS...), Nick did FAR WORSE things and yet, he STILL got treated, and still does get treated, like royalty in your eyes…
What about when I was in the hospital, trying to SAVE my child from being born to early, and Nick TRASHED your house while you went to Disney World and you called ME freaking out on ME because I wasn’t there to watch him??? Im sorry but last time I checked, he was YOUR kid, not MINE….So WHY is it MY problem???? What about all the sneaking out he did? What about all the UNDERAGED drinking he did??? What about all the shit he did and didn’t get caught for???
Guess what mother….even with ALL the shit you THINK I did…I NEVER trashed your house, I NEVER drank underage, I NEVER snuck out…I didn’t have my first alcoholic drink until I was 21 years old....and I NEVER did drugs...
I don’t apologize for leaving school for Michael….I don’t apologize for giving Samantha and Patrick to Sandra and Billy...I did what I HAD to do to survive…and give MY children the life that they deserved…You never reached out to help me…Except for when I was evicted when Michael went to jail when I was pregnant with Patrick…and even then, instead of helping me, alls you did wad make me feel like I was the most worthless mother on the planet…consistently threatening to call Dyfs on ME….Are you kidding me?? That’s the worst thing any mother could do to her child…Oh and By the way…..DYFS was called right after I lost Cameron….You know what they told me? I was the BEST MOTHER THEYD EVER SEEN AND THAT I WAS DOING A FANTASTIC JOB RAISING MY GIRLS….and that I wouldn’t be hearing from them again….So put that in you pipe and smoke it….
I adore my children….Even Samantha and Patrick…..Did you know that since going to Texas, they have BOTH become honor roll students?? Samantha plays the clarinet and is in the school band….Patrick is in football and baseball…..But you wouldn’t know these things because you denied my friend request….
Don’t you think its been long enough to hold these grudges??? You need to get over yourself and come clean about who YOU truly are, instead of everyone ELSE being the victim. Think about who you are as a person…..
You mistreated, abused, neglected and emotionally destroyed (or TRIED to…cause guess what? I’m the strongest most intelligent Bitch you’ll EVER want to meet) the ONLY daughter you’ll EVER have…..Then you HIDE it from everyone in the family….And acted like I was the WORST child on the planet…
Why don’t you ask Leslie and Frank?? Or how about Jeanette who had to PULL YOU OFF ME from strangling me when we lived in West Collingswood????? They all witnessed it…How do you know it wasn’t one of THEM who called DYFS on you??????
And then you send me off to some boarding school for girls....And while Im not complaining about that because I met some AWESOME friends there, I want to ask you a question....What was I doing that warranted being sent away??? Flunking out of school?? Yeah, because I had to help raise YOUR son while you worked and went out to party and screw everything with a dick…Having sex?? Yea because 14 is a big deal to be having sex when now a days 8 yrs old are doing worse...…That should have been the LEAST of your worries…I didn’t smoke, I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t drink underage…So I had sex and got pregnant….Big deal….I seemed to remember someone ELSE who got pregnant at 14…..Had an IUD put in and got pregnant AGAIN….HELLOOOOOOOO……..Sound familiar MOTHER?!?!!??! I was MEANT TO BE HERE……You didnt "send me away to get my life back on track..." you sent me away because You didnt WANT me anymore...You told me yourself...I was "to much to handle for you"...really?! WHAT was I doing, ASIDE from NORMAL teenager stuff, that you "couldnt handle"????And then you wonder why when I finally got some independence and branched out on my own, I took off….Sure, it might not have been the BEST way to do it, but I was 18 and tired of EVERYONE trying to tell me how to live my life…
Or how about the fact that you STEAL Jeanette’s husband from her? That in and of itself has to be about the LOWEST thing you could ever do to someone….Stealing your BEST FRIENDS MAN?!?! Really Mother? That’s low.
Then, you act like THEY were the ones who were at fault, THEY were the ones to blame…And I was this horrible person….Guess what mother? EVERYONE that I tell about this tell me that YOU are the one who is messed up in the head. YOU are the one that because of all the shit YOU went through as a kid, decided you had to screw up (or try to) your only child…You strut around thinking your shit don’t stink, not knowing ANYTHING about your grandkids that you refuse to get to know for fear that Ill “take them away from you like I took Samantha and Patrick…” Guess what??? I didn’t take them away…That’s a delusion in your OWN mind…..I still talk to them. I still get pictures and communicate…I did what I needed to do for MY children so that they could have a better life…And guess what? They do. But you didn’t and DON’T see that….
You talked about a bond that you had with Samantha…But you hated Patrick because he looked like Michael…That’s a TERRIBLE thing to say about your grandchild…ALL of my children are BEAUTIFULLY STUNNING….Samantha looks just like me…and, what about your other three granddaughters????
Lilia - my beautiful Chick...The Mother henn of the three...The one who is only in 2nd grade and already reads at a 5th grade level??
Holli - My little tomboy...My goofball who makes me laugh and who gives me a thousand hugs a day and tells me she loves me constantly and tells me that im the "best mommy in the world"...
And My Julia - My babydoll..The one who I know is a free spirit just like Me...The one who is going to be a "rawk and roe stah..." (her words, not mine)
But don’t worry Mother…They know what you did to me and they NEVER want to meet you. They don’t know the intricate details….Just that you were a terrible mother and you were very very very mean to me....They are HIGHLY protective of their Mama, as I am of them and I would never want to subject them to the hell that you put me through….I adore my children and would give me life and very nearly did having Julia…But you wouldn’t care about that because to you Im just some woman on the street….
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