Thinking back on the last two years since I moved back to NJ (HOLY FUCKNUTS! where'd the time go!?), I cant imagine all the shit that has gone on...My brain cant even begin to wrap around everything but yet, I can look myself in the mirror and KNOW that Im a champion, a survivor and STRONG as a motherfuckin' ox mentally and emotionally.
In the last two years since moving back, relationships have come and gone.....
Child Services has been called on my 4 times and EACH time the case was closed immediately (i dunno WHAT makes people seem to think that it would be any other way and that DYFS would take my girls, I'm a SLAMMIN' good mother)....
I've had relationships that didn't work out but i gained a GREAT new really good friend who is one of the FEW people I actually trust with my life...and can talk to about anything...
Ive been stepped on, taken advantage of, betrayed, hurt, and used and thrown away and trampled on...But it didnt break me....
I've gone hungry so that my kids could eat...
i've been full and successful and had plenty to eat...
I've had jobs that most people would disapprove of....Exotic dancing may not be ok in a lot of society's eyes but i did what i had to to make money to continue to raise my girls and do it well....If anyone had or has any issue with that fact, then maybe you should take a look at yourself in the mirror and be less close minded about life and look at the world around you and realize that theres more to life and what other people believe then what your little world has in it.
i've been injured and sick and unable to work (thats a current situation right now but im on the mend)...
i've been (temporarily) homeless...ive been (and still am) a home owner....
Ive absolutely gotten closer with my Gods and continue to do so on a daily basis and no one will take away my faith (or freedom to CHOOSE my faith)...
Ive gone to real estate school (and PASSED!)....
My oldest daughter came back to live with me....My former in-laws took me to court thinking they were gonna get custody of my girls with out and out badmouthing lies through their attorney which the judge clearly saw through that and realized that he should be (and was) on my side....
My Daddy died and that devastated me....I've found new skills that im great at.
Ive got determination and a will to survive and protect me and mine. My life may not be perfect but NOBODY can take my strength and vigor and vitality away from me....All the troubles i go and have gone through continue to make me a strong, determined, independent, free spirited bitch.
Independent because i know that NO ONE can handle the issues that I have to deal with, which is why i chose to stay single. Men cant handle me...and thats ok. Ill continue to thrive on my own, without ANY man telling me how to live my life....AnyONE for that matter...
Free spirited because I dance to the beat of my own drummer and not many MEN can handle that either...
I am a survivor and I will continue to make it through every obstacle thats thrown at me unscathed.
I am a fantastic woman. A wonderful, loving, caring mother. A devoted friend. a loyal girlfriend (once i AM one)...And NOTHING will stop me from continuing to do and be anything i set my mind to.
Blessed be.
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